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Breaking This Copywriting Rule Boosts Profits

Stern teacherThe other day I was asked the following question: “Should I use active or passive voice in sales copy?”

The answer may surprise you.

The premise behind this question is simple. Traditional copywriting rules state that writers should use active voice. And it makes perfect sense.

Active voice engages the reader and makes it easy for them to quickly understand the copy. They don’t have to sort through a sentence to understand it.

Writers are told again and again to focus on using active voice. But I’m telling you that, in some cases, you shouldn’t. And here’s why…


It is agreed that active voice is best for most web content and even the body copy in a marketing piece. Active voice compels and propels.

However, using passive voice can increase your readership and response because it front-loads important keywords, especially in headings, captions, bullets, and lead sentences.

Based on eyetracking studies, there is some interesting research behind this theory, which reveals counter-intuitive results focusing on the first two words of the opening sentence.

I think this is particularly applicable in copy.

With the active voice, the object of the sentence typically appears at the end. For example, “John throws the object” is better than “the object is thrown by John.”

But the idea is that people never read sales letters. They first skim, scan, and scroll.

Eyetracking studies show that people only read the first few words. They also show their eyes tend to gravitate toward prominent markers.

People scan for these markers in an effort to make a decision on whether the content is of interest to them and worth reading.

(For example, think of the times you’ve bought a newspaper or magazine, and quickly scanned the headlines and photos to determine which articles you wanted to read.)

Of course, photos, graphics, and multimedia provide eye gravity.

But in sales copy, these markers also include headlines, leading sentences in paragraphs, subheads, bullets, and captions.

The passive voice allows the object to appear earlier during those crucial first words. So when people scan for these markers, important keywords appear at the beginning and therefore may be able to stop scanners more efficiently.

They may be able to persuade more effectively, too.

From a usability perspective, front-loaded keywords in header tags do increase things like SEO effectiveness and readability.

They also increase traction as front-loaded keywords appear first in search engine results, which in some cases are truncated.

But from a copywriting standpoint, this idea of passive voice construction in your subheadings can also help in many ways. For instance, passive voice can:

  • Stop scanners since they have to actually stop and read a sentence to understand it.
  • Push readers to start reading what follows. It’s harder to understand a passive sentence at a glance, which in many cases can be a good thing. Readers now have to really dig into a sentence to grasp it, and once they do they’ll continue reading.
  • Help readers grasp the gist of a subhead, or a headline, lead, bullet point, etc, because they have to focus on it.
  • Compel readers more effectively, as persuasion and psychological techniques can be applied to those first few words, such as focusing on words that build curiosity, increase desire, create mental imagery, and drive action.

Here’s an example of a subhead using active and then passive voice:


Active: “Australian scientists discover three enzymes that beat stomach cancer.”

Passive: “Three enzymes that beat stomach cancer are discovered by Australian scientists.”

Or, to make it pithier:

Passive: “3 stomach cancer-curing enzymes discovered by Australian scientists.”

From an SEO standpoint, people wouldn’t search for the phrase “Australian researchers,” unless they knew about it beforehand. But they would search for words like “enzymes,” “stomach,” “cancer,” and “cure.”

From a copywriting standpoint, the keywords are now prominent. They lead the reader. And they also tease, cause readers to learn more, and force them to read the rest — which is the point of a good headline in the first place.

By the way, I broke another rule in the above example. Normally, the rule is to spell single-digit numbers, and to use numerals with double-digit numbers or more (such as seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12).

I use numerals because the mind doesn’t have to read the number, and it can instantly grasp what it means, which is particularly crucial during those first few seconds.

The bottom line is, the less hoops the mind has to go through, the easier it is to read and the more effective the copy is.

Nevertheless, to improve usability and SEO, apply the passive voice to your web page title tags, meta-description tags, header tags (such as H1, H2, H3, etc), anchor texts in links, lead copy, excerpts, ALT tags, even domain names.

(For example, one my friends, Heather Kirk, who is also a great graphic designer, owns “GraphicsByHeather.com.”)

However, apply the passive voice to strategic elements in your copy, too:

  1. Headlines
  2. Subheads
  3. Testimonials
  4. Johnson boxes
  5. Guarantees
  6. Bullets
  7. Captions
  8. Calls to action
  9. Titles (in multimedia)
  10. Email subject lines
  11. Navigation menus
  12. Above-the-fold sections
  13. Order forms or response devices
  14. Lead copy (introduction)
  15. Lead sentences (first sentence of each paragraph)

Look at your current salesletter or marketing piece, and try to reword those prominent markers into the passive voice or in a way that places important keywords at the beginning. This technique will boost your sales and profits.

(Or should I say, your sales and profits will be boosted by this technique?)

About the Author

Michel Fortin is a direct response copywriter, author, speaker, consultant, and CEO of The Success Doctor, Inc. Visit his blog and signup free to get tested conversion strategies and response-boosting tips by email, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://www.michelfortin.com.

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26 Replies to “Breaking This Copywriting Rule Boosts Profits”

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  1. From Top Notch Writing and Marketing Links | Word Sell, Inc.

    [...] Laws of Copywriting command us to avoid the passive voice at all costs. But expert copywriter Michel Fortin makes the case for using the passive voice. Brilliant or blasphemous? In my opinion, brilliant. His penetrating analysis of words and [...]

    Source Website February 6th, 2008

  2. From Incurable Disease of Writing » Blog Archive » Just Write BlogCarnival

    [...] Fortin presents Breaking This Copywriting Rule Boosts Profits posted at The Michel Fortin [...]

    Source Website February 22nd, 2008

  3. From thursdaybram.com » Blog Archive » The Business of Freelance Writing Carnival, Edition 8

    [...] Fortin presents Breaking This Copywriting Rule Boosts Profits posted at The Michel Fortin [...]

    Source Website February 23rd, 2008

  4. From Blog Carnival - Edition 2 | Internet Business Opportunities

    [...] Fortin presents Breaking This Copywriting Rule Boosts Profits posted at The Michel Fortin [...]

    Source Website February 24th, 2008

  5. From Women Internet Marketers Resource Center

    Internet Marketing Mentors Blog Carnival February 27th 2008…

    Welcome to the February 27th, 2008 edition of internet marketing mentors. This week Mark Russell quite rightly talks about paying your dues if you want to run an internet based business and Joshua provides you with insights into powerful yet…

    Source Website February 27th, 2008

  6. From Internet Marketing Mentors Blog Carnival February 27th 2008 | Women Internet Marketers

    [...] Fortin presents Breaking This Copywriting Rule Boosts Profits posted at The Michel Fortin [...]

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  7. From The Rhythm of Write » The RoW Blog Carnival - 3/1/08

    [...] Fortin presents Breaking This Copywriting Rule Boosts Profits posted at The Michel Fortin [...]

    Source Website February 29th, 2008

Comments

  1. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Andy Beard

    Passive voice headlines also seem to work better for social media submissions.

    Now I am trying to work out if “Boost Profits Breaking This Copywriting Rule” is going to be better for a submission

    Author's Website January 17th, 2008

  2. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Rebecca Dean

    Great info, Michel. Thanks!

    Author's Website January 17th, 2008

  3. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Winston Yap

    Seems logical but it requires a little more creativity in order to “purposely” construct the sentences in a passive voice. Most of the best copies usually comes intuitively to a person as a person speaks.

    I usually keep to a couple of rules:
    1.) Quick For Readers To Get It
    2.) Easy For Readers To Read

    Like you said using the digit 3 in
    “3 stomach cancer-curing enzymes discovered by Australian scientists”
    is faster for the reader to interpret in his mind than the word “three”.

    Then again, Active voice usually makes it easily read and understand (most of the time it’s because it’s in a conversational tone…conversational tone usually makes the message seems more personal to a reader)

    Anyway, I’ve long decided that a when it become too analytical and scientific about writing copy, it usually comes out rather sucky…

    I guess I could write intuitively first…followed by analyzing the copy to modify the parts of the copy where applicable to applying a passive voice…

    Author's Website January 17th, 2008

  4. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Michael A. Stelzner

    Thanks for this post Michel.

    In white papers we find a lot of passive voice as well.

    Sometimes it seems to add a bit of objectivity.

    It is nice to add this to my support for passive voice.

    Mike

    Author's Website January 17th, 2008

  5. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Galina Vitkova

    Thamk you for the very interesting post, Michel,
    The similar situation with Passive Voice is in technical texts. Very often an object of an Active Voice sentence is much more important than a subject from the information point of view.
    Galina

    Author's Website January 18th, 2008

  6. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Sam Freedoms Internet Marketing Controversy Blog

    Use it all the time. But just the same, thanks for sharing such a valuable tip.

    Sam
    ps. Btw, I still have that question for you! ;-)

    Author's Website January 18th, 2008

  7. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Franck Silvestre

    Interesting. Since I use seo to promote my sites, this is something I always use (even with my blog).

    It’s a controversial subject, and it’s good to see how you made this easy.

    But as always, this should be subject to tests, because even if you get a better search engine placement, you still need to hook these people into your copy.

    So I must say that passive voice can boost profits, yes, but the headline shoulb be as strong as the one in the active voice.

    Author's Website January 18th, 2008

  8. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Peter - Software Marketing Secrets

    Very interesting and insightful.

    Although when testing writing letters vs. digits in headlines and ads we have discovered that more often than not writing out the number increase conversion. Even with double digits. I don’t have a theory why this is. Perhaps you do?

    For example, the first “headline” would probably beat the second:

    Forty Ways to Improve Your Skills

    40 Ways to Improve Your Skills

    Thanks, Michel.

    Author's Website January 18th, 2008

  9. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Adam Snider

    Very good tip, Michel. I’d be hesitant to use passive voice in body copy, but it’s definitely effective for headlines, bullet points, and the like. Any thing that is likely to be picked out by someone who is scanning, rather than reading, can probably benefit from using the passive voice instead of the active.

    Author's Website January 18th, 2008

  10. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Simon Smith

    Interesting tip. But is passive voice really required? Essentially, you’re creating inverted pyramid sentences. You can often eliminate the passive component and still deliver the same punch. For example, you have: “3 stomach cancer-curing enzymes discovered by Australian scientists.” Why not just: “3 enzymes cure stomach cancer, Australian scientists find.” (Or “…may cure…” if you want don’t want to be so bold.) I think you’re completely on the right track, but also think you can usually refine further to get rid of the passive. At least I hope so, because I’m not a big fan of the passive voice ;)

    On a different note, Peter, I think using numerals instead of words for numbers works best when you have visual variation. For example, when we write Google AdWords for clients, we find that adding numerals (”9/10 doctors agree; 100% approved, etc.) increases conversions, theoretically because the numbers make our ads stand out from competing ads that have all words. (But it is, admittedly, just a theory.)

    Author's Website January 18th, 2008

  11. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Shel Horowitz

    Michel, I’m feeling a bit contrarian–and as a copywriter, I’m usually striving for an active voice. Rather than the approaches below, couldn’t you have your cake and eat it to with

    “3 new enzymes cure stomach cancer: latest Australian research gives new hope to cancer patients.”

    Shel Horowitz, copywriter and award-winning author of five marketing books
    Blogging at http://www.principledprofit.com/good-business-blog/

    <<>>

    Author's Website January 19th, 2008

  12. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Sam Freedoms Internet Marketing Controversy Blog

    Ok, because I’m following comments, I’ve been receiving replies in my inbox and I just have to jump back in here…

    Why do we have to go with formula or against formula… some things just seem natural, right and really attention-grabbing no matter how one breaks them down… for example…

    “Bye Bye Stomach Cancer! These 3 Enzymes Kick Your Ass!”

    Now, someone tell me, which person, suffering from stomach cancer, is not going to open that email or read that post? They can learn about the Aussies in the first paragraph if they’re that important.

    Let’s try another example!

    Sam

    Author's Website January 19th, 2008

  13. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Shel Horowitz, ethical marketing expert

    Sam, that was brilliant. Great example of thinking outside, and great copywriting.

    Author's Website January 19th, 2008

  14. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Kidblogger :: Carl Ocab

    That’s a heart breaking post. I always try to write in the active voice.

    Although I guess breaking the active voice rule will only work on first sentences and first lines as it’s where people look first.

    So after you grab them with your passive sentence, you then go on with the active voice to keep them reading.

    It’s just my opinion though, what do you think Michel?

    Author's Website January 20th, 2008

  15. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Carolyn Permentier

    Hi Michel,

    Very good observations!

    It all goes to some of the inherent differences
    between web writing and other kinds, doesn’t it?

    Passive, active … whatever it takes to blend SEO,
    scanning eyeballs and GOOD copy, right?

    Good stuff. Good comments, too!

    Ciao,

    Carolyn

    Author's Website January 22nd, 2008

  16. MyAvatars 0.2

    From www.copywriting911.com

    The research is really brilliant, thank you Michel.

    Author's Website January 23rd, 2008

  17. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Sharon Lee

    Great post!

    I’m curious whether the Glyphius copywriting software can score which version — passive or active — will score better??

    BTW, I really liked Shel’s and Sam’s versions!

    Best regards,
    Sharon

    Author's Website January 24th, 2008

  18. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Graham Strong

    Great tip — it makes sense from an SEO perspective.

    I also find that the passive voice works well for persuasive writing. For example, nobody really wants to hear that they are doing something wrong (unless — sometimes — when they ask). But everyone wants to hear about the injustices being done *to* them.

    Passive voice underlines this, subconciously making the reader feel helpless to the Fates. I think this approach gives more impact to the solution when you switch into an active voice. The reader suddenly feels empowered, thanks to your solution, and more likely to act.

    ~Graham

    Author's Website January 26th, 2008

  19. MyAvatars 0.2

    From Julie Isaac

    Wow! That throws everything on it’s head, yet makes perfect sense. It seems that the point is not–you must use one or the other, but to use whichever one will be the strongest and serve you the best at any given point in the copywriting process. The passive pulls the prospect into the copy at certain points and helps SEO, and the active makes the copy/product come alive and help the prospect see themselves using the product. Both are important, but the skill is in knowing which to use when.

    Author's Website June 30th, 2008

Secrets of a 10% Conversion Rate  

Secrets of a 10% Conversion Rate

New! Paul Hancox combines direct selling and copywriting techniques to produce online conversion rates as high as 10%. His 127-page report shows you how. Click for more »

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